Friday, June 5, 2009

clearing out the bedroom...

I got a lot of things done today because we have rain that is also snow at times so it was not fit day for man or beast to go outside. I did clear out at least 50 things since I started to sort out the bedroom..I just put down check marks as I do not want to get bogged down with lists. I know myself too well- some is gone, some things went to where they really belonged, and some is going to be given away as soon as I get a good day for travel. The main thing is that it has all left my bedroom.
I have some of my things, some of our things and a few things of papa hubby's for decor.I am a not matchie-pooh lady so if it is something that brings me joy I have it in here.I fixed up the DVD player so I can relax and watch my/our favorite DVDs- (( I set it up all by myself and it works). I still think in terms of ''ours'' often.
It is still half bed-room and half-office. Office really means where I have my laptop and is where I write notes to my friends. I do the bills out in the dining room. I call it office only to feel more official. (smile)
My bedroom is now peaceful and filled with memories of me and we. There are special moments when I think- here I am safe, and I feel joy again. And even though- life is not fair and often hard I have made a place where I can have moments of peace. Moments where I can just 'be me''.
Because of the grief there has not been a lot of room for emotional baggage to stay. Cancer has a way of changing one's ambitions and priorities. For me, the only real thing that matters now is to love and to notice and value the small moments of joy in my life. Things like the sunbeams on my kitchen floor, a walk to no where, my dog's tail wagging, smiling at strangers before they smile at me.........
I have learned with a deep awareness to find the things that really matter now. I have the need to learn and to grow, and to be all of who I am/ was meant to be. And as I share my blanket of memories with friends and ''you'', my prayer is that you will be blessed.

hugs from Meme


Linda said...

Oh, I didn't know you were here. I'll have to check out your posts. So good to here from you. Linda

Terry said...

dear meme...this post fills my eyes with tears...i don't even know what to say.
your memories of you and papa hubby.
your smiling at strangers before they smile at you is such a touching thing,
and the fact that your prayer is that your friends will be blessed..oh!
just a few days ago, i finally learned what this means from curious servant, who has gone through so many sorrows..
:} many times i have seen this and never knew what it meant..
smiles...just little smiles, eh meme and i am going to send them to you terry
:} :} :} :}.....XO

Mrs. Mac said...

You are making progress dear Meme. Clearing out the bedroom is a giant step and a difficult one. I hope you found some 'not matchie-pooh things of dear papa hubby's that will bring you joy and enjoy them in your 'new' bedroom. You are the third widow that I'm witnessing a transformation before my very 'eyes' as you/they find their/your own place in the here and now.


Diane said...

I so much enjoyed this post Meme. I just am not at this place yet. It seems I still have the need to hold tightly to everything that belonged to my DH. I suppose the time for letting go will come, just not yet. Have a blessed day!

Many hugs..........