Saturday, August 22, 2009

My week ----------

  • I must say that this week did zip by quickly
  • even though I was alone most of the time
  • Miss Ashley went to visit other grandma and
  • was blessed by going to see the ''Lion King.
  • she enjoyed it and just her and grandma went.
  • she did come yesterday for a shower and a briefing
  • LOL and now has gone to take care of her sisters
  • for the week end
  • so Dogman and I have had to keep ourselves busy
  • and off the street.
  • the weather has been nice and we had a few storms
  • pass by but left no damage behind.
  • I am learning the art of loneliness and
  • how one must keep on getting up and
  • going forward. I must say that getting up
  • is easy but staying up takes discipline.
  • Dogman does not drag enough dirt into the house
  • or dirty many dishes so I have to find other ways
  • to improve our day and keep our minds stayed
  • on following the Shepherd.
  • Now it is Saturday night and we are both watching
  • the cooking channel when ever the curse (f) is not on-
  • I just cannot see how using one word over and over
  • adds to our entertainment. Nor does it have any teaching value.
  • I admit too that most of those recipes
  • they so cheerful show us are not recipes I will use
  • nor will my kitchen ever look so glamorous nor
  • will some one set out all the ingredients pre-measured
  • in those pretty little dishes so I can bake the perfect
  • pie or cake. Calorie free too.
  • But they are fun to watch and dream about.
  • Of course, being me I do find many other things
  • to keep me busy.
  • I am off now to check the doors and send Dogman
  • to his pee patch.
  • Have a wonder week end and hug some one
  • and spread some smiles.
  • The Lord is my Shepherd!
  • huggles from Meme

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

a friendship kit

  • found this little idea on the net a while ago and was
  • thinking of making mine up to share
  • so I will share the directions with you
  • FRIENDSHIP KIT
  • rubber-bands to hold friends close
  • tissues to dry a tear
  • recipes to make and share
  • stationary to stay in touch
  • bible verses to express God's love
  • prayers to keep your friend in mind
  • a pencil to journal the heart in
  • a note book with lines
  • put all in a cloth bag to avoid carbon footprints

have fun and Meme will see you soon-

Saturday, August 15, 2009

no plans

  • alas I did not want to get up this morning as I was thinking I had nothing to do-
  • now that is a silly thought for an old woman but as a habit
  • I usually plan out things in my head the night before
  • of a few things I must do or could do
  • but forgot to think things out which means I convinced myself
  • of a lazy day------ha!
  • but I did get up and soon saw there were things to do
  • the sun was shining after a 2 days of rain so I knew
  • I could weed------that is the best time as weeds come up
  • root and all-- and of course, there are always a few house
  • chores jumping out of the sink or the laundry hamper
  • I also walked down to the library and stopped off at a store
  • I only spent a quarter-- LOL
  • but had a chat with one lady friend
  • then the kids came and the kids went
  • and I did have a nap- quite unintentional as I was
  • watching the news but cuddled in a blanket
  • as I was cool as even though the sun shone
  • it was a cool day outside and in........
  • I am doing ok here- soon fall will be here and
  • all the church activities will return
  • there is not much to go to in this town
  • that does not include alcohol -
  • I decided when papa hubby died that I
  • would not compromise my beliefs because
  • I am lonely-
  • summer times does seem the time to be lonely
  • (my widow friends agree as they too miss the church action)
  • ----if you are a christian widow so many folks
  • are coming and going and most regular programs
  • take a leave of absence
  • I do walk every day which is good for me
  • but shopping is again hard as we do not have
  • many stores.......the windows do not change too often-
  • but I will continue this journey
  • depending on the Lord as the
  • Lord is my shepherd.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Not in Control

  • I have always been a A to Z type of lady who likes things to go
  • step by step in order so when ( December 19, 2007) the phone rang
  • and papa hubby said-- ''honey, I have terminal cancer and there
  • is nothing the doctor can do but keep me comfortable'';
  • my world
  • ended as I knew it and I stepped into the unknown.
  • It was the worst of the worst and the shock just overwhelmed me/
  • First of all, we did not expect the results the same day that
  • the tests were done-or I would have been with David but
  • I had a dental appointment we had made some time ago
  • and due to the problem being my dentures; I had to leave
  • the bottom teeth behind and come home semi-toothless. but
  • most of all we never expected the words terminal and nothing
  • to be added to the words---''you have cancer.
  • I do not drive so I was expecting my grand daughter to come
  • later to take me to the hospital.
  • I remember that waiting.......we had not set a certain time
  • so all I had to do was be ready and wait.
  • Those few hours were the most agonizing hours I spent
  • during David's cancer journey-and in our marriage.
  • I remember being able to do [nothing] and
  • laying on the kitchen floor sobbing with Dogman
  • - I could not think or breath or call for help-
  • I was totally helpless and alone-
  • I remember begging God to help us and show me what to do
  • I remember the kids were later than I expected
  • and I did not know who to tell so I told no one.
  • I remember wondering how I would be able to tell anyone?
  • What words do you say- ? How do you explain terminal to
  • your children and your grand children.? what does ''nothing
  • really mean? what does comfortable mean ?
  • What do you say to friends - family- ? How do you
  • tell them a story that you cannot believe in?
  • I knew David was not alone as our pastor called
  • and said he would stay with him- but my heart was
  • broken and alone.
  • I remember that I had not melted down
  • like a confused child since I had left home
  • over 40 years ago. And I remember that I could only lay
  • there and sob and beg- I remember the patterns of
  • saw dust on the rug which was part of papa as he was
  • a wood worker and sawdust followed him-every where
  • I looked I saw proof of papa hubby existence -
  • The kids did come and we left and I said nothing
  • Ashley was napping in the backseat when the boy
  • who is a friend asked about papa and I do not
  • remember his questions but I know the words I said
  • were --yes-- and ---no.
  • I remember Ashley crying out about what I meant
  • and I remember that I had only 3 miles to tell her
  • and I knew I could not lie--I could not soften the blow
  • I had to tell her that her papa was too sick to get better
  • I remember we were crying and some how we got to that
  • city hospital and found money for parking and
  • then we went off to find our papa- we dream walked
  • and set smiles on our broken hearts---
  • I still remember his smile when we walked in and I
  • remember him saying ''lets all cry together and then we
  • will be ok'. and we
  • some how managed to crawl into his bed
  • and hold each other and cry - and I knew that from
  • that minute onward that no matter what happened we
  • would survive because love held us together.
  • I still did not understand that David's death meant survival
  • for him but that is another story.
  • And I knew that we could not control what was happening=
  • because there were no more rules to follow and the steps
  • were not ours to make- the alphabet was scrambled.
  • and that God was in control and that we would
  • follow Him through the valley and up the mountain.
  • We would fall and we would stumble but we kept following
  • to the end of the journey for David and the beginning of
  • a journey for me.
  • some would wonder why the doctor would be so brutally honest
  • but David was the kind of guy who wanted to know all--
  • even what he did not want to hear-,
  • And so our journey began with no map or plans-
  • and nothing to pack-------
  • but we were blessed because
  • The Lord was our shepherd!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I need to catch up...

  • here I am reading and summering and forgot that I should be writing too
  • we have had nice weather but did have major storm warnings tonight
  • but where ever the storm was - it did not pass by here.
  • The kids are great ones for the weather channel
  • and they find it hard to believe that Meme
  • does it the old fashioned way--
  • I look out the window-LOL
  • I have to admit too that I have been sluffing off the chores
  • for another day.
  • I have not gone to any lakes this year or sunny beaches
  • I remember we would take the kids and then the g'kids
  • to different lakes close by and let them run about
  • in the sand and in some cases dip toes into the water.
  • Where did we get the energy ?
  • Miss Sidney was here for an over night
  • and just watching her move about
  • made me tired.
  • She has gone camping now for two nights
  • This is her first big ''away from home"" trip
  • She comes here often but coming here is just like
  • being at home.
  • She has crayons and paper and books and toys
  • to scatter around.
  • so now Meme has shared a tale: I will go to bed
  • huggles

Friday, August 7, 2009

Friday Frogs

  • did that title get you over here?
  • no, Meme has not gone to the frogs
  • she just a double sick days here
  • so has been sleeping off and on
  • and maintaining some of the chores
  • have to keep the floor for Dogman
  • and some dishes too------
  • It was pleasant to have a few moments
  • of simply being instead of doing
  • I suffer from busyness and I
  • and learning that idle hands are ok
  • now and then-
  • I must have been tired
  • as my naps increased but
  • I feel better now
  • my house did not suffer from me
  • leaving it alone for a day or two
  • and Dogman was quite happy
  • to nap with me====
  • Ashley just came and went and
  • came back again
  • and she did not lack anything
  • except maybe my company--LOL
  • I am working on the busyness as
  • I am to old to go like the pink bunny
  • have a wonder filled week end
  • hugs from Meme

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

cool and wet day

  • summer feels like it is over for us already
  • we were cool enough to put the furnace on
  • long enough to cheer up the house
  • it does keep the thunder storms at bay
  • and so the rain is simple.....
  • I had a rather easy day here
  • I could have put more into it but
  • I didn't have any ''must do today '' projects
  • I did clean out my closet - and found
  • a few things that can leave the building
  • with my tummy being so bad I am
  • finding a lot of clothes I can not longer wear
  • they are just too painful and so I don't bother
  • I hope I never become a half naked lady
  • even elastic pants hurt me- and forget the metal button jeans
  • I am debating on skirts but need to be warm
  • so if anyone has ideas that would help
  • me be fully clothed and warm and still be a lady
  • please let me know--------
  • I wish we could find some cotton dresses here
  • Meme is going to have to find a new wardrobe
  • that is suitable for a tom-girl-
  • take care and keep hugging your loved ones
  • I miss papa hubby's hugs
  • huggles from Meme

Monday, August 3, 2009

Meme's hope

  • a while ago I started a blog called Joy and Hope Road
  • where I planned to post of my pictures and tell the story
  • as I remember( it) that goes with the photo---------
  • and of course, I promptly forgot
  • but now that Miss Ashley helped me down load
  • most of my photos and I am learning to take more-
  • I can get on with it------
  • and also I am writing another blog called
  • Lessons from a clutter Princess
  • this is a fun blog written-- with some laughter and tears
  • and also to be read with
  • with a grain of salt and a dash of pepper
  • so why??
  • Because I am worn down and sick from grief
  • so I need something to do to turn me around
  • and I like writing even though I can never
  • remember the commas and periods.........
  • and I will write the princess blog in rough
  • and then of course, essentially clean it up
  • (re all those punctuations that I miss)
  • and publish it for my daughters and grand daughters=
  • I have to start leaving my grief behind as
  • I can not keep focus on it now--I am too tired'''
  • and my grief is becoming unhealthy
  • I would grieve hard and forever if
  • it would bring back papa to me-
  • My love for him is eternal but
  • my grief is not...........I have nothing left to give to grief-
  • I will wonder from blog to blog and if you
  • check my dashboard- it will take you right there.
  • I hope that you will take a look and see
  • and that some of my words will encourage you.

hugs from Meme

Sunday, August 2, 2009

looking for my friends

  • I am going to take a peek and see what you are all up too
  • I know that it is really too nice to be blogging
  • right now- we have storms and it is late
  • but I am waiting for Miss Sidney to go to bed
  • she has one half hour to go........
  • I am hoping we keep our power on as she is not
  • a pioneer type of kid- LOL
  • I have a surprise to share with you tomorrow
  • and also have some chores to do
  • so it may be late when I get here again-
  • now I am off to read your doings
  • summer hugs from Meme

quiet blog world

  • it must be summer fun time as the blog world is quiet
  • and I am quiet too-
  • I am on a cleaning spree??
  • that is on the days that it is not too hot here
  • I did find another fan yesterday
  • half price too which really helps
  • we did have a horrid storm here yesterday
  • no damage at my house but alas
  • further north of our town
  • one person was killed when a stage collapsed
  • it does make on think about how our life is
  • a short span and makes me think how I
  • want to live the rest of my days
  • I did join this ladies little blog to have
  • some fun while organizing my house

http://parentingconfessions.blogspot.com/

It is a good thing for Meme to do and maybe some of you will enjoy

following also-

have a great day= and hug some one today-