Silent Sounds

• most days now my house is silent-
• and as I listen.....
• I can hear the silence.
• I no longer hear the sounds of two
• hearts beating together.
• I remember the last days with papa hubby
• and how I would lean against his chest
• to hear the pitter patter of his heart.
• it was the sound of hope.....
• it was the last sound I heard papa speak
• and then last time I listened
• all I heard was the sound of silence.
• He had left this world as quiet as
• the angels who came to take him home.
• I hear that silent sound now..........
• and I miss his sounds......
• and yet, I feel the sounds in my heart
• and I know that on the day that
• the sound of silence came to me
• that the bells in heaven rang.
• huggles me, Meme

blogging joy...

A few years ago I read a book by Barbara Johnson--one of many books she wrote but I do not remember which book she shared an idea of having a joy box- a place full of quotes and thoughts and jokes and stories that brought her joy. I made a joy book where I either wrote
down odds and ends or took news stories and glued them on a page. The idea is/was to have these things in place to read and reread
and plant your joy on those times when life feels joyless. I recall that eventually Barbara Johnson
had a whole room of joy makers.

I decided to make a blog here and share some old and some new joy stories. quotes and tales along with a scripture treasure- I will blog 5 or 6 times a week. The blog is a place to come for rest and to find some joy and hope seeds.
Each day is not long - just a moment or two to give you some joy.

the link is:
http://ablogofjoyandhope.blogspot.com/

and there is a picture of Meme on the side bar- I think Miss Ashley took it about 2 years ago. I know it was before the cancer journey.

Please come in and visit and follow me.

When the time is right...

• my bedroom is looking pretty cozy and meme like
• there are many things in here that papa hubby gave me
• and also things that we shared together...
• papa was a tool man so he seldom had a lot of
• his things in here- our closets are too small to
• fit both on us in---so he used the spare room closet
• and I used my/our room for my clothes-
• the sweaters we shared were in his closet
• so the closet did not require any changes-
• I found one of his tools called a plainer(sp)
• which is hand held and small so I am using it for
• a book end. I like it as he used it often while
• making his canes......so lots of DNA
• I can still only do so much at a time and
• only deal with certain things yet.
• But I am moving forward step by step
• because I know that is what papa hubby
• asked me to do. He was very strong spoken that
• the things he left behind are of this world
• and that I am to take care of myself.
• Because of my health I know that this house
• is too much for me to deal with and that
• I will have to move in a couple of years.
• I know that I need to start the steps......
• in order to be able to complete this
• before I have to leave here.
• It is sad to know that I will be letting
• our home go but it is also exciting to know
• that I can make a new home for Meme.
• It takes time to remove the detachments of papa
• hubby's things because it is hard to remind me
• that these are now my things and if I keep them all
• I am the one responsible.
• The wonderful thing is that papa is not missing
• his things- or noticing his things going- or wants his things to
• be kept for him. I know that he has his treasures in heaven
• from Jesus- no pain- no suffering- no tears- no sadness
• and he is not alone- He is with his Lord and Savior who
• taught us all to not store our treasures on earth
• for they will rust and turn to dust.
• God's treasures are eternal.
• God will give me and you strength to do
• what needs to be done when the time is right.
• God is our time keeper.
• Wait for the Lord..........Psalm 27:14

Monday June 8

• I have been a grandma 21 years - today
• It seems like yesterday that I was a new mother
• and now I have passed the grandma test.
• -----------
• I had a quiet day and put the kitchen back in order
• it is amazing how many things come out at night....
• so it was like a 52 pick up game
• but now everything is back in place.
• I made some porcupine chili-
• I need to stay away from beans right now
• re the tummy
• but this recipe is just as good as the ordinary chili
• -----------
• 1 pound hamburger-
• 1/2 uncooked rice
• 1 can tomato soup
• 1 can water
• 1 can diced tomatoes *not drained
• 1/4 cup tomato sauce
• extra water if needed
• brown hamburger in pan and drain fat off, add the rest of the
• ingredients- and bring to simmer- now you can choose to either put
• in oven at 300F or continue to simmer on stove for about one hour.
• keep lid on which ever cooking method you choose.
• when I do this on stove top I find I need to add an extra can of water- I
• like the oven but today it was the stove- you can also do this in slow cooker but
• change water to 3/4 can -I don't remember how long the slow cooker takes.
• you can also double the recipe-
• makes a great supper with buns and salad
• and leftovers make good sloppy joes for the next day.
• ---------
• I did do more than just make supper but I cannot see it--LOL
• chores have away of coming undone and also repeating themselves.
• hugs from Meme

that dear granddaughter

• yesterday the grand daughter was off to see family on her birth
• dad's side--sometimes I get confused so I do wonder how she keeps
• every one in her mind.
• she came home before mid night which means Oma was still
• up and had not turned into a pumpkin--LOL.
• now for some reason she kept tempting me away from
• my room - but I kept coming back-
• and she kept tempting me with things she needed or needed done
• and as it was getting closer to midnight-
• Oma finally fell for the
• maid for a minute or two........
• .Oma knows when to give up....in...over...
• so off I went to do maid duty and
• suddenly I hear strange noises in my room and as
• noises are generally not found in my room and
• as I have completed the maid for a minute job.....
• (which took more minutes than I planned )
• I return to discover my grand daughter standing
• on a stool in a rather strange position
• and in some danger according to Oma-- but I
• look up to see that she had put some words
• on my wall - all in fancy letters- first
• done on a special machine and then put on
• where ever one wants them to go and
• well no, Oma did not cry......
• I saved the tears for later......because this is what the words
• say.....
• JESUS LOVES YOU
• GOD BLESS YOU
• SEE YOU IN THE MORNING
• LOVE PAPA
• these were the words that papa hubby always
• closed the day with ......either tucking g'kids into bed
• or going to his bed at night,
• even the cancer could not take all the words
• from him as he would struggle for breath
• to finish.......
• She has them displayed so that when I lay
• down at night or wake up in the morning
• I will see the words from his heart.
• God bless my Miss Ashley

clearing out the bedroom...

I got a lot of things done today because we have rain that is also snow at times so it was not fit day for man or beast to go outside. I did clear out at least 50 things since I started to sort out the bedroom..I just put down check marks as I do not want to get bogged down with lists. I know myself too well- some is gone, some things went to where they really belonged, and some is going to be given away as soon as I get a good day for travel. The main thing is that it has all left my bedroom.
I have some of my things, some of our things and a few things of papa hubby's for decor.I am a not matchie-pooh lady so if it is something that brings me joy I have it in here.I fixed up the DVD player so I can relax and watch my/our favorite DVDs- (( I set it up all by myself and it works). I still think in terms of ''ours'' often.
It is still half bed-room and half-office. Office really means where I have my laptop and is where I write notes to my friends. I do the bills out in the dining room. I call it office only to feel more official. (smile)
My bedroom is now peaceful and filled with memories of me and we. There are special moments when I think- here I am safe, and I feel joy again. And even though- life is not fair and often hard I have made a place where I can have moments of peace. Moments where I can just 'be me''.
Because of the grief there has not been a lot of room for emotional baggage to stay. Cancer has a way of changing one's ambitions and priorities. For me, the only real thing that matters now is to love and to notice and value the small moments of joy in my life. Things like the sunbeams on my kitchen floor, a walk to no where, my dog's tail wagging, smiling at strangers before they smile at me.........
I have learned with a deep awareness to find the things that really matter now. I have the need to learn and to grow, and to be all of who I am/ was meant to be. And as I share my blanket of memories with friends and ''you'', my prayer is that you will be blessed.

hugs from Meme

Meme's content day

• I had a content day here both in body and mind-
• I think I was just happy to be at the end of all the tests
• and appointments and with results that I can live with..
• I have been sick for over 2 years now and so
• glad that the Lord gave me manna strength to take
• care of dear papa
• I did some amazing things with and for him
• things that I could have never done on my own...
• God is good.
• I am not stressed with the medical results.
• I got groceries today and it was book club -
• last one until September
• I did not finish the last book as it had
• too many things in it that I do not believe-
• and things against God's word.
• one of our questions today was ??
• what do we think heaven is like....
• and my answer was that I know that it will
• be a wonderful place because Jesus will be there.
• I did not answer a lot of the questions
• but when someone said that none of us know
• about heaven so it is really up to our imagination
• I did say that I know what God's
• promises are re heaven and the place He is preparing
• for me/us-- I was very careful to word the statement
• as a witness as all the ladies do not think
• that whole Bible is true- sigh-
• it was a tough meeting as sometimes
• I felt very disregarded for my belief and faith
• but honored that I was free to speak..
• but I know that what God says-God does.
• we did have giggles too and I am praying
• for those ladies to find the true Jesus.
• I am sad that the world is rejecting
• God and his promises--
• Anne Frank said these words..
• I DON'T THINK OF ALL THE MISERY, BUT OF ALL THE BEAUTY
• THAT STILL REMAINS.
• Let us keep an eye out for His beauty.
• hugs from Meme

And the doctor said.......

Finally got the to see the doctor re my tummy and this is my story--ignore any thing that mentions cancer as I am ok there- however I do not know how to delete all the info and still make sense--

1. Barrett's Esophagus Barrett's esophagus. Barrett's esophagus (BE) leads to abnormal changes in the cells of the esophagus.
About 10% of patients with symptomatic GERD have BE. In some cases, BE develops as an advanced stage of erosive esophagitis. While obesity, alcohol use, and smoking have all been implicated as risk factors for Barrett's esophagus, their role remains unclear. Only the persistence of GERD symptoms indicates a higher risk for BE.
Not all patients with BE have either esophagitis or symptoms of GERD. In fact, studies suggest that more than half of people with BE have no GERD symptoms at all. BE, then, is likely to be much more prevalent and probably less harmful than is currently believed.
. When BE patients develop abnormalities of the mucus membrane cells lining the esophagus (dysplasia), the risk of cancer rises significantly. There is some evidence that acid reflux may contribute to the development of cancer in BE.

2. plus...
this is the second problem most likely due to the first problem--dysphagia
If the esophagus becomes severely injured over time, narrowed regions called strictures can develop, which may impair swallowing (a condition known as dysphagia). Stretching procedures or surgery may be required to restore normal swallowing. Strictures may actually prevent other GERD symptoms, by stopping acid from traveling up the esophagus. I also have neurogical problems in the muscles of the esophagus and this also has too be watch closely in case I lost my breath as I need these muscles to work when I breath-- It has a name too but I lost it some where in my head-

3. a H. hernia about 1 inch--

--
there is things that could be done but I told him that I am just not emotionally or physically well enough to make any decisions right now and so I will see him again on September 3 where he will explain my options. He also gave me a new prescription that should help some. My option right now is to ask for prayer. I would like to spend a joyful summer eating and with no pain. I am too thin now and need to build up my strength-- the reason I am so tired is that I am not getting enough calories due to my high metabolism and severe tummy problems .
and that is my story- and I will be back soon with another tale-
hugs from Meme who so appreciates her friends and the prayers.