BECAUSE I LOVED HIM

• this morning I was having one of those "" why""" moments
• why God?
• why papa hubby?
• why me?
• and then I heard that small quiet voice
• that we all can hear when we listen with our heart
• ""BECAUSE I LOVED HIM
• BECAUSE HE IS MINE
• HE IS MY BELOVED""
• and then I knew that all the crys
• of my heart have been answered
• that God was in control
• that God was right
• and that God so loved papa David
• that He gave his beloved and only son so
• that David did not perish but has everlasting life-
• and this afternoon I was sitting on the balcony
• with Dogman on his loveseat (yes, Dogman has
• his own loveseat outside too)
• and the sun was shining on us
• and the breeze was warm
• and the world was silent
• and all was well with my soul.
• I had peace beyond understanding
• He is my shelter from the storm-
• hugs from Meme

the Sliver

• today Miss Ashley got a sliver in her hand-(she is dear grand daughter-19- who lives full time with Oma now due to family issues )
• Now papa hubby was the doctor hug in our house- he dealt with the blood and bruises and slivers and the tears- Oma was back up...........
• Miss Ashley broke down and cried and cried for her papa - she would not let Oma help except to listen - she needed papa- I got her supplies- needle and tweezers and kleenex
• she did get it out on her own with many tears- it was not the pain of the sliver that made tears but that papa was not there to do it or comfort her........but I am so proud of her as she worked both the sliver and the tears out-
• it is important for her to cry also - she was a blessing to her papa in his cancer journey
• she was here for him from the first day and did not shy away from helping him- she even cut his hair for him and lifted him in bed for comfort and the last night before his home
• coming she held his eyes open for his to see- his muscles were too weak - she just knew what to do and he would always thank her - she knew he wanted to see us and she knew how long to hold them open and then let them rest- it gave papa a rather surprised look and we all had a memory making laugh-
• the nurses were surprised that a teen age girl would spend so much time with him and do careful caring things for him- she taught them a lot about love .........
• so you- see- the sliver was more than a sliver- it was a memory -
• she is fine now and we both talked about papa being safe from slivers in his eternal life-
• huggles from Meme who is still learning.....

I cannot walk alone.........

• I thought that I could manage my grief by this time- but thoughts of mine
• are not the Lords- His thoughts and plans are good for me and my future
• and so He guides me in the grief- I do not know where I am at except past the
• beginning - I thought I could run away from the grief and I thought I could
• walk alone in the grief- but I can do neither
• I had a opinion that some how grief effected my relationship or walk
• with the Lord- I thought that I should have it all together by now but I
• did not trust in Lord's timing........
• I can say that the grief is less painful and more joyful
• I know- it is hard to understand this joy.........but as I miss the world
• that I had - I see a new world opening for me- a world with out papa hubby
• but a world with memories of him as husband- father- papa -
• Papa hubby has gone to his new home and the Lord is preparing a place
• for me also but until He takes me home
• I must put my trust in Him and follow what ever path He leads me on-
• I believe that grief will always be a part of our walk because grief is
• a result of love-
• so some days I will come with tears and some days I will come
• with laughter
• but my friends- I will come because I cannot walk this journey
• alone and I know that the Lord is leading to touch the hearts of
• others - friends are gifts from God
• and while I am talking and walking my/our
• Lord is my shepherd
• He will not leave me alone
• and He will not leave you alone
• hugs from Meme

pretty blogs ---------

• just enjoying so many pretty blogs and noticing how artistic many of you are
• I debated the fine art of making a pretty blog
• but so far my artistic side is plain and simple
• next fall I may take a course in shining up my blog
• a few ladies on some blogs have offered to help me
• I am a slow learner right now - so decided- to wait...
• I need to go back to my normal writing one day soon
• so far my mind thinks mostly in points or bullets--
• and commas and capitals have gone south-
• I am having a harder time getting back to
• who I was
• it is almost as if I cannot remember who I was
• I was a part of a whole - but not a half- together the two of us
• made one and now I do not know how to go back
• but I know that the Lord who made us two into one
• loves me in what ever state of a fraction I am-
• He will put the pieces together again
• and I will be whole again
• the nights are not so long now
• and the days have more sunshine
• spring has sprung--
• have a wonderful week end
• keep walking with the King
• He loved us enough to die for you and me
• and He has risen- He has risen, indeed!
• hugs from Meme

The Me in We......

• I realize that I have not told you a lot of things
• about me as my mind is still caught in the grief
• so here is a bit of this and that's
• I was raised on a farm - with one brother
• my father was a homesteader and born
• on his father's homestead in 1910 ( grandpa came from Sweden)
• mother was also a homesteader's daughter(grandpa came from Scotland)
• they lived about 3 miles a part -
• brother has the original homestead now -just over 100 years old
• the farm that is ..not brother Bill-LOL
• we did not have running water- unless we ran and got it
• or indoor plumbing of any kind
• the old out house is still standing
• and father and mother build a modern house in 1970
• our heat was wood cut from the homestead trees
• dried for a year and then sawed into logs for the heater
• and split for the kitchen cook stove
• coming to town was quite an experience for me
• to have bath tubs and taps and a stove
• that turned on with buttons
• I was raised to be a wife........
• and married at what would be considered now
• as young but was normal in my life.
• I was 18 and papa hubby was 27 -
• he was never considered too old for me--LOL
• that was how life was in the fifties and sixties
• we had 2 daughters- Bonita and Tammy
• I worked part time but only jobs that I was able
• to do when papa hubby was home so our
• kids were not baby sat often........
• I took an rehabilitation practitioner course
• and worked for 15 years at a group home
• this was during a time when hubby was injured
• with his back and had 6 back fusions
• sadly none of them helped and he was
• disabled the last 12 years but still very independent
• we spent most of our time together--
• when one or the other was not working
• we did not ever become rich in money
• but we were rich in love........
• we both gave our hearts to the Lord in 1987
• and began our walk with the our Shepherd..
• I, from watching Billy Graham and papa hubby
• at the little pentecostal church I made him go too-
• that is a funny story but I was scared to go
• as I had heard so many strange stories
• and when we got there- we discovered a lot of
• normal folks went there too-LOL
• we were so blessed by God in that church
• but sadly it broke down when our pastor retired
• and many members left -
• because we took our grand kids to church and
• we needed one with a Sunday School.. so
• we found a new church for them- Papa hubby
• took grand kids to church for 18 years- and
• I am so glad we/he did........we/I attend a church of the
• Nazarene now - at papa hubby's memorial service
• our dear pentecostal pastor was there for us too
• you will get to notice other things about me as
• I write here- I am more of an introvert and
• I will be 61 in May and I don't feel a day over 60 (grin)
• I clean our church to help my income now that hubby is gone--
• I love the Lord and I am so thankful for what He has done for me
• I hang on to my hope--as -- I miss my papa hubby
• whose name was David Allan- and I know that he
• is indeed in peace with no pain or sickness or disabilities
• huggles from Meme
• THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD!!!!!

Clearing out

• 
  this year's spring cleaning is really a clearing out
  it is hard to imagine how many things a couple
  will hang on to and now that I am alone
  the things- have less meaning
  so I have been busy clearing out =
  papa hubby was a keeper of things
  and he often kept them in various places
  so I run into things all the time
  some times it is a good find
  like yesterday finding a special silver dollar
  from the royal canadian mint- 2006
  complete in case and unopened
  made of fine silver
  it is to celebrate something but I
  can not guess what and I do not want to dig
  it out of the case right now - need gloves for that
  that was papa hubby's rule--LOL
  then to day I found that we paid all our household
  bills in 2000 - so I shredded them with no gloves
  I found a quote also but with no author
  I will share it with you as I think that it
  applies well to my new life
  LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO WALK ALONE, SO I MAY TURN EACH STUMBLING BLOCK INTO A STEPPING STONE.
  I am doing that as I move in this journey- some days I stand still--
  some days I fall down- some days I get up and some days I take a step
  but I always stay with my SHEPHERD-
  I will continue to clear out as I move along this journey
  have a wonder filled day tomorrow
  and pause for a moment to tell someone
  you love- that you love them and give them
  a meme hug
  huggles from Meme

ANOTHER MEME DAY

• what a lovely weather day- sunshine and soft breeze
• and melting snow**
• when I walked down town I had on no hat or gloves
• this is the first time in 2009 for the gloves and the second day for the hat
• the grand daughter and I went to do some small shopping
• and then I stopped off and did the church chores-
• Miss Ashley rested while I did them because
• her feet hurt--LOL- and I thought I was the older lady
• alas she is still a teen which means she buys shoes for looks
• and not comfort.........
• we had a nice day outing together
• and we found the neatest book
• called ---"I Remember Grandpa''
• It is like a journal where you put all sorts of
• special memories of grandpa so Oma is going
• to do them with the girls-(I got each of the g'kids one)
• Miss Ashley is old enough
• to put in her memories-
• they will be a wonderful
• journal for the younger kidlets and if we do them
• together Oma can help them with some of the
• memories- there are places for photos etc- and
• the nice thing is that they were at a dollar store(which
• is why I could give one to each of the g'kidlets-
• they are made with good quality paper etc -
• and have a family tree to also follow and
• questions and ideas and a lot of room to write in
• the memories-------
• so I was pleased- I find that the Lord
• gives me so many blessings to help
• all of us walk in our grief-
• sometimes non christians cannot understand
• how I can have joy in my grief
• I tell them that my joy is a gift from the Lord
• and a gift that Papa hubby prayed for me
• before his home-coming-
• have a wonder-filled week
• huggles from Meme

coffee blessing

before papa hubby became sick in December of 2007
we would have a special coffee time
together each day- French vanilla instant cappuccino-
it was sort of like a date-
it was a nice time of day for us to just share this and that--
after he came home from the hospital with cancer
we still had our coffee once a day-
papa David was not able to drink the whole cup anymore but he loved
the bubbles (foam) and I would share my bubbles with him-
even his last few days he was able to have his bubbles
but unable to drink the coffee
as he had difficulty swallowing.
after he passed away when I went to the store they were out
of our coffee---
there were other brands but this was the special brand that
he and I enjoyed together
it has been out of stock since last Augest-
and today when I was with Ashley we found some-
yes- the same brand and the same price :-)
I came home and it was so nice to sit down and enjoy
a cup of our coffee and also tell Ashley the bubble story
it was a happy memory and I enjoyed the coffee
and even though, he is not here to share the bubbles
I had a blessing in the heart-